Infants are very aware of changes in their family and surroundings. Keep an everyday connection to at least one caring parent or primary family caregiver to support infants’ mental health and well-being at this time.
 

Physical connection. Infants feel safer and more secure when you hold them.

• Keep infants close by holding them often and/or safely wearing a baby sling or carrier. For more information on safe carrier use, you can check out page 2 of this resource.
• Comfort your child with cuddles and kisses and reading stories while snuggling. Try an infant massage to soothe your child.

Co-parenting places the focus of the relationship on what is best for the children, and keeping the child at the centre. Encourage as much connection as possible with their other parents or caregivers unless it is not in your child’s best interest.

• When your child is away from one of their parents or family caregivers, show pictures of them and video call frequently.

Routine. Maintain regular routines as much as you can throughout the changes.

• All parents and caregivers can follow the same mealtime, playtime, naptime and bedtime routines.
• Make sure your child has their favourite things in all their households, such as their blanket, toys and books.

Talking with your child. As infants develop their language skills, it’s helpful for parents and caregivers to describe what’s going on.

• You might say, “I won’t be there for bedtime tonight. I will call you to do bedtime stories and sing to you. I love you so much!”

Preventing and repairing conflict. There can be some conflict in all relationships. You can protect your child from mental distress at any age by managing conflict in positive ways, especially with co-parents. Infants may not understand the words said in an argument, but they can pick up on the tone and loudness of voice, body language and facial expressions.

• Check out these ways to manage conflict from the Justice Education Society. They might help you avoid a heated conflict.
• Try to ensure your child is in a safe space away from you if you are feeling like your argument is getting heated and may result in yelling. For kids, just witnessing high conflict and the impacts of violence on other family members has a similar impact as if they were targets of the violence directly.
• Comfort your child if they happen to see or hear you arguing. Help them feel safe and secure with loving and reassuring words, physical affection, and playing together.

Young children may not fully understand the many effects of separation and divorce. But children are very aware of shifts in their environment. You can help them adjust to these changes by reassuring them and offering stability.

Simple explanations and reassurance. Your child may have lots of questions at this stage. Use simple explanations and clear language to explain changes. It is important to acknowledge and validate their feelings and reassure your child.

• You may say, “We are going to live in different homes. We both love you very much and will spend time with you.”
• “Our decision to separate has nothing to do with you. We both love you very much.”

If you don't have the answers to your child’s questions, be honest, “I don’t have an answer for you right now, but I’m going to find out and let you know.”

Physical affection. Offer hugs and cuddles to provide comfort and reassurance. Talk in calm, loving ways. If you are unable to physically comfort your child, try to video call or talk to them, and let them know: “I’ll video call you for our bedtime story tonight!”

Maintaining routines as best and often as possible. Stick to daily routines to provide stability for children.

• Try to keep things like Saturday pancake breakfasts or bedtime story routines consistent between households.  Children feel safer when parents and caregivers are consistent.
• Show your children a schedule, like a chart or calendar, so they can see what’s coming next. 
   

Encouraging your child to express their feelings, even if they’re not yet able to do so fully.

• You may say, “I see you’re feeling sad. It’s okay to feel that way. Can I give you a hug?” This can help them learn that their feelings are valid and normal.
• They may be having some big feelings, such as being angry at you. Validate their feelings, and provide space without judgement. You may say, “What you're feeling is real and I believe you. I know there is a more respectful, kinder way you can say that to me.”

Use of play and stories. Help children use their imaginations to understand what is happening by using toys, role-playing and storytelling.

• You might say, “Can I play, too?” Act out family changes, such as blended families, with dolls. This shows them that different families can still function with love and care.
• Head to the library. Librarians are a great resource for helping you find picture books about family changes. There are also many great books that can help young children talk about their feelings.

Children in this age group begin to be aware of their emotions and the world around them. They probably have heard about divorce, but they may not understand what it means for them. They will benefit from clear communication and the chance to take part in family decisions and routines. If you’re looking for fun activities and tips just for kids (ages 5-12) that you can explore together as you go through separation and divorce check out this page on familieschange.ca.

Open communication. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and ask questions about changes. Answer any questions as honestly as you can using language that is age-appropriate[2] .

• Listen to your child. Help them to share how they are feeling and understand that their feelings are valid. Give support during conversations. For example, if a child expresses anger, you might say, “You have every right to feel angry. This is a big change that you weren’t expecting or wanting.”
• Give children information about the parenting plan. A colour-coded calendar or a schedule can help them see:
  • who will be taking care of them
  • where they will be
  • what they will be doing each day.

Consistent routines. Set up regular schedules for meals, homework and bedtime that all parents and caregivers follow.

Daily reflection. Help children find ways to express themselves through art, writing or music. They may have worries and questions that feel too big to talk about. Writing in a journal or drawing in their own sketchbook about their experiences can help them process emotions.

Family discussions. Hold family meetings to discuss changes and make decisions. Try to solve problems together. You might say, “What you think is important. I’d like to hear your ideas.” Children can feel less uncertain when they have a sense of control. This could be when you are deciding:

• weekend activities
• what their room will look like in a new household
• who will drive them to activities
• which parent/caregiver(s) will be part of their events

Affirm their strengths. Notice and comment on children’s positive behaviours and feelings (e.g. happiness and joy).  It will encourage these behaviours and boost their mood and self-esteem.

• You may say, “I can see you’ve organized your room so you’ll be relaxed and cozy.” Or perhaps “I can see you are smiling and really happy playing with your stuffed animals at this moment.”

Give kids some language to talk about these changes with friends and outside of home. Tell them to keep it simple and direct. This may sound like, “My parents are separating”, or “My parents are not going to live together anymore.”

Talk with your child’s school.  School professionals spend hours a day connecting with your child and are often another trusted adult in an elementary school-aged child’s world.  Letting them know about changes at home including separation and divorce can be helpful, as they can be another form of emotional support for your child.

Children this age are trying to figure out who they are and how to be more independent. Separation and divorce can be quite upsetting to them. They may pull away, but they still need you to love, guide and reassure them. 

Emotional support. Talk to them about how they feel if they are comfortable discussing their emotions. Suggest ways to cope with their feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to take their time to deal with all the changes.

• You might say, “I understand this is tough and it will take time for us to adjust to these changes. I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.” This gives them the space to manage their emotions without feeling pressured to react a certain way.

Peer interactions. Help your child maintain close friendships and take part in activities that bring them joy. These social connections can act as a buffer during challenging times. They also offer your child another layer of emotional support. Help your child explore more about their friends and communities through this resource. 

Independence. Involve them in making decisions and taking on responsibilities at home. Check out some of the activities for kids, like the My Responsibilities Chart here.  

Encouraging self-care. Support and model habits like mindfulness, being active and sleep for overall well-being. Plan for regular family meals together when you can.

• Encourage them to participate in clubs, sports or hobbies for fun and stress relief. And remember that not all stress is bad stress. Learn healthy ways kids can cope with stress at Stresslr.ca 

Help them see the bigger picture. This age group can start to understand that challenges may help you to grow stronger and wiser. Acknowledge the challenges and reassure your child that things will continue to evolve, hopefully in ways that feel comfortable for them.

• Help them set personal goals for school, hobbies or personal development.

Teens understand family dynamics on a deeper level. They may feel frustrated or helpless during separation and divorce. It’s important to make space for their emotions and experiences, even if they bring up uncomfortable feelings for you.

Try to remain calm and open to accepting their feelings.  Encourage them to take part in self-care activities and things that contribute to their emotional well-being. Share helpful, youth-focused resources with your teen for them to explore where they’re ready. The Justice Education Society has great resources for youth dealing with parental separation. 

Autonomy. Help them to feel more independent while you offer guidance and support. Teens benefit from being more in control of their lives. Listen to their opinions and wishes when you make family decisions that impact them.  This does not mean that they get to make all the decisions but that you are considering their wishes when you make choices.

• Involve them in decisions that affect the family dynamic, such as how to manage holiday schedules or responsibilities within the household.
• You might say, “I’d love to hear your opinion or ideas about this.”

Access to resources. If your teen needs more support, provide information about:

• in-person and virtual peer support
• counseling services
• community support groups
• Foundry BC (free counselling support for youth age 12 - 24, virtually or in person),

Taking care of yourself. Help your child to form habits that support their well-being like:

• connection with friends and trusted adults
• regular sleep
• activities and exercise
• mindful and enjoyable eating
• relaxation techniques
• volunteering in their community
• time management

Future planning. Encourage them to explore opportunities based on their education, volunteer or career interests.

• Help your teen gain a sense of purpose and control over their future.  Encourage them to set small, achievable goals and focus on positive, long-term outcomes. For example, plan to volunteer after school at the local food bank to be more involved in my community, use this goal setting worksheet and begin planning.
• Make plans with your teen for special events, like graduation, where all parents and caregivers may be present. If they will not be, talk to your teen about how they feel about that, and validate their feelings.

Family bonding. Plan activities or outings that help to make family relationships stronger and create new memories. This might include activities with one parent or caregiver or activities that include all parents and/or blended family members.

Guidance on relationships. Family changes can affect how teens look at relationships, both within the family and in their own lives.

• Have conversations about healthy relationships, what love is, boundaries and communication. Offer your insights and show respect for their point of view.
  Reflection and growth. Talk to them about how they feel the family changes have shaped their journey and what their next steps are.
• Discuss past experiences. Talk about those that went well and those that didn’t. Explore new approaches. This can help them feel empowered and more confident when they face difficulties in the future.

Young adults are often in a stage of life where they are establishing their independence. This can make separation and divorce particularly complex. They may appear more self-sufficient, but they still need emotional support, guidance and reassurance.

Independence. Young adults are often managing many responsibilities, such as school, work or relationships, while also coping with family changes. Respect their independence while offering emotional support.

• You may say, “I know you have a lot going on. I’m always here if you need to talk.” Try to be reassuring without your child feeling that you are intruding.

Guidance on relationship dynamics. Family changes can affect how young adults look at relationships, both within the family and in their own lives.

• Have conversations about healthy relationships, what love is, boundaries and communication. Offer your insights and show respect for their point of view.

Support for their emotional well-being. While they may not always ask for help, young adults can benefit from knowing that it’s okay to seek support. Help them to see that their mental health is important and to make time for self-care. Encourage them to take the lead on their own health and well-being by connecting with their doctor, free or low-cost counselling or community services that support mental health.

• Organizations like Foundry BC offer free support for youth and young adults age 12 - 24 through 1:1 counselling or connecting with peers through peer support. 

Stability. Young adults may not live at home full-time, and so it is important to maintain family traditions and regular communication. This can provide a sense of stability and connection.

• Regular family dinners, calls or visits can remind them that their family remains a source of support