One of the best ways to support your child is to show you are a partner in this discovery process. Let your child know they don’t have to do it alone, just like the other parts of their development. Here are some ways to do that:
 

• Be aware of and challenge your own biases. We all have conscious and unconscious views that we carry with us. Maybe you grew up with them or learned them in other ways. Try to create an environment for your child that has few biases. This helps show your child it’s safe to explore their own identity and be exactly who they are.
   

• Love your child for who they are. Gender affirming parenting means letting your child explore and express their sense of self without pressuring them to change who they are. Show an honest interest in how they see and express themselves even if it doesn’t conform to gender norms. Encourage them to tell you what they think, and what they’re experiencing. 

   

• Talk with your child about gender identity and expression. As soon as your child is able to say words like “girl” and “boy,” they are beginning to understand gender. Consider sharing your own experiences and looking for information together. This might include seeking gender inclusive books, cartoons and movies. If your child reads about or sees images they identity with, it can support their own sense of self.

• Ask open-ended questions. This is a great way to hear your child’s ideas. If you approach these conversations with openness and curiosity, it can help your child feel more comfortable sharing. You could explore ideas such as gender diversity, identity and expression together by reading The Gender Book.

   

• Promote gender and sexual diversity. Actions can speak loudly – small things can show your child that your family is accepting of all gender identities and sexual orientations.

     A few things that can support this:

• State your own pronouns when you introduce yourself to others, and make an effort to use other people’s correct pronouns

• Talk about the diversity (or lack of) in the media you watch together

• Talk about and challenge gender stereotypes. Ask yourself, “Do I buy toys or clothing for my child, or assign chores based on gender stereotypes and gender roles?” 
   
• Explore the gender identity resources at your child’s school. Find out how your child’s school supports gender expression. Ask your child’s teacher what they teach about gender identity at school. Not sure where to start? Check out the SOGI 123 information for parents and caregivers.

Whether or not they are questioning their gender identity or sexual orientation, it’s important that your child feels comfortable talking to you about it regardless of their age. Continue to offer ongoing support as they explore their identity.

Not sure where to start? Here are some conversation starters for talking to your child:
 

• Your child may comment or ask a question about someone when in public. Your response may be, “In our society, there are often a lot of ideas about how people should dress and act.  We all should be free to choose what feels right for ourselves no matter what others think. What do you think?” 
  
   
• When reading a book, your child may make a gender-related observation about a character. Your response may be, “I noticed you used the word 'he' to describe this character. I wonder if that's the pronoun this character uses. I bet we'll find out once we start reading and learn more about the characters."

• When talking about sexual identity, you may say, “People don’t have to choose or share right away if they’re straight or gay or something else. Everyone should take all the time they need to figure out what they feel and what they want to call it.”

• During pride month, you or your child may notice an increase in pride flags and events. Try asking your child, “do you know why we celebrate pride?” (Not sure yourself? Check out this family-friendly video to learn more about the history of the pride movement). 

• When talking about attraction, you may say, “Some people are attracted to just one type of person or gender, some people are attracted to many different people, and others to no one. All are ok.”