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I have dealt with the sudden loss of two friends one in 2005 and one in 2009. Losing someone is never easy and can make you think about things and look at yourself and your life in a different way. Many of your thoughts maybe negative but there can also be some positive aspects as well. Unfortunately grief is like a monster ready to jump back out at you at any time. You may experience triggers that will bring back a flood of emotions and you will grieve all over again.
The most important thing is to figure out the best way for you to deal with your grief and take all the time you need to process what has happened, how it makes you feel and how it has changed your life. For me, when I was grieving I would sit down and write whatever I was feeling and thinking. It helped me to understand, process and cope with what had happened. At first I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it because I thought I would make them upset, or pity me. Although I still don’t talk about my losses very often, there are some days I just need to talk to someone about it. For me the most important part is talking to someone I trust who will simply sit and listen and not give advice or judge me.
When I lost my friends, I felt many emotions. Mainly I was sad, but I was also angry, and I regretted all the things I hadn’t said or done. The one thing I regretted the most was the friend I saw on the night he died. My friend was dropping something off at his house and while he ran to the door I sat in the car and waited. We yelled hi at each other but I didn’t get out of the car to go see him... I didn’t get out of the car to say hi to him because it was raining, I have regretted that moment ever since. Because of that I have made a promise to myself to always see people and to always tell them what I am thinking and how I feel because I don’t ever want to feel that way again.
Grief is not an easy process and sometimes that process may never come to an end. There is no magic cure and no perfect way to deal with grief, you have to learn how to deal with it in your own way.
Below is something I wrote while I was grieving
My heart is slowly forgiving
My eyes are slowly drying
I’ll never be forgetting
These tears I’ve been crying.
Inside of me is a place
Not many people have seen
For I am scared of what they might think,
I am scared they will just leave.
People tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself
I keep telling myself they have never been in my position,
They have never been where I have been.
Everything is different when there is no one around.
I am still a child afraid of what lies ahead.
But I’ve always pulled through
Because of those few who are always there,
Those few who really love me
The few who care.
Kelty has more information on this topic - to read more about grief & loss, click here.
Photo courtesy of redcargulr via Flickr